#Letr2Jil – WATCH THIS BEHAVIOR! By Leke Alder

1. My dear Jil, you have to be careful about a self-centered attitude in a relationship. It has consequences. #Letr2Jil

2. The problem many times is that people who exercise this trait are so used to it they’re not even self-aware. #Letr2Jil

3. They’re used to getting away with intolerable behavior. That is until the pliant boyfriend says he’s had enough. #Letr2Jil

4. Then like Esau they begin to cry to have the man back. They begin to beg for what was theirs. #Letr2Jil

5. Unbearable behavior cannot be your operating system. You will lose the relationship, even in marriage. #Letr2Jil

6. Selfishness inoculates against sensitivity. #Letr2Jil

7. There’s a limit to which you can push a man. Every man has a pushback point. And for many the answer is a walkout. #Letr2Jil

8. You should never assume someone can’t walk out of a relationship. That someone loves you is no license to do as you please. #Letr2Jil

9. And if you keep being selfish in your relationship…keep pushing the man, at some point he’ll walk out. #Letr2Jil

10. Now, I don’t know why you did what you did but you shouldn’t do such. You willfully hurt your boyfriend, said terrible things. #Letr2Jil

11. I’m troubled you did that to the one who cares for you – one of the few people who really care. #Letr2Jil

12. You need to examine why you did that. You must get to the root of it. Lest it haunts your marriage. #Letr2Jil

13. And if you push away all those who truly love you guess whom you’re left with! #Letr2Jil

14. Over-generalisation is very dangerous in life. You can’t blame all men for your bad experiences. #Letr2Jil

15. You can’t hate men and want to marry a man. There’s something contradictory in that somewhere. #Letr2Jil

16. You need to get rid of that anger, that bitterness… If you don’t it will destroy your happiness in marriage. #Letr2Jil

17. There’s something down there you need to resolve… That thing that makes you lash out at people involuntarily. #Letr2Jil

18. It’s almost a reflex action, the lashing out. And it’s highly unpredictable. Don’t even know if you’re aware. #Letr2Jil

19. It suggests you mediate on perceived sleights, that you reach thought conclusions that are filled with pain and frustration. #Letr2Jil

20. On the surface you seem to be okay, there’s restraint; but the topography of your heart betrays you. #Letr2Jil

21. There’s something in there that makes you want to punish people indiscriminately. You have to excavate it. #Letr2Jil

22. And you’re so locked into yourself – I mean your real self not the personage you project. #Letr2Jil

23. That lashing out suggests an inner churning of anger, like some giant mixer inside a volcano. #Letr2Jil

24. Angry thoughts are like lava. They have a potent viscosity. When they boil over they incinerate relationships. #Letr2Jil

25. Poisonous plumes of anger and bitterness suffocate relationships. #Letr2Jil

26. And men can’t handle temperamental women. The male species has limited emotional capacity. #Letr2Jil

27. While you see yourself as entitled to lashing out in anger, he sees an angry uncontrollable woman. #Letr2Jil

28. When you say those hurtful things he gets very afraid, really afraid of the future. And words can wound. #Letr2Jil

29. He begins to ask himself if he wants to be locked up in a marriage apartment with this person. #Letr2Jil

30. He sees you as someone to whom no appeal can be made, someone who can’t abide sensible instruction. #Letr2Jil

31. He worries about that mean streak, that dark emotion you do so much to camouflage mechanically. #Letr2Jil

32. He’ll be afraid of offending you. Fears he’ll encounter a spirit of unforgiveness. #Letr2Jil

33. Lashing out at people cannot be a right. There’s no such license in a relationship. It’s emotional abuse. #Letr2Jil

34. In a relationship actions instigate reactions. Some reactions are silent contemplations, others determinations. #Letr2Jil

35. Why seek to punish a man who loves you! Think about it. What kind of testing is that? Of what?! #Letr2Jil

36. The idea behind it seems to be proof of love entails forbearance of acts of cruelty. What kind of philosophy is that? #Letr2Jil

37. What if the table were turned? What if HE seeks to prove your love by being cruel to you? #Letr2Jil

38. There’s something about porcelain. Once you break it, you can’t put it back. The heart is like that. #Letr2Jil

39. In a relationship, abuse makes the heart undergo material transition. #Letr2Jil

40. It starts as sinew but over successive abuses, it becomes porcelain material. It’s how hearts get broken. #Letr2Jil

41. If you shatter a man’s heart however he tries, even he can’t put it back together again. #Letr2Jil

42. There are things not worth attempting in a relationship. There are things you shouldn’t try. You can’t undo them. #Letr2Jil

43. If something is of value to you don’t treat it like trash! #Letr2Jil

44. And that’s the danger of getting away successively with bad behavior. It numbs sensitivity to other people’s feelings. #Letr2Jil

45. Long after you’ve lost control you won’t even be aware. Until a catastrophe happens. Then you realize too late. #Letr2Jil

46. Get rid of that victim mentality you have. You’ll continue to do harm to yourself. #Letr2Jil

47. A victim mentality makes you repudiate that which you desire. And without realising it. #Letr2Jil

48. You’ll be wondering why men break up with you successively, which in turn reinforces the victim mentality. #Letr2Jil

49. A victim mentality will prevent you from giving in a relationship. You will always expect to collect, like some debt. #Letr2Jil

50. At your age you’re old enough not to blame anyone for the consequences of the past. You have to move past the past. #Letr2Jil

51. Truth is, nobody will care about all those stories after a particular point. It’s your local event. #Letr2Jil

52. You have to move on – past the pain, past the anger. You have to seek happiness. #Letr2Jil

53. You have this one life. Are you going to waste it blaming others? #Letr2Jil

54. Life moves faster than we imagine. Before you know it you’re old! #Letr2Jil

55. You don’t want to wake up one day asking yourself where have all your years gone. #Letr2Jil

56. Seek happiness. But you’re not going to find it inside others. #Letr2Jil

57. Your locus of happiness cannot be external. Has to be internal. Lest other people determine the quality of your life. #Letr2Jil

58. If you get rid of these things – the moody anger festering inside like dark matter, you have a shot at happiness. #Letr2Jil

59. Sort your self out. Then the world around you will be sorted out. #Letr2Jil

60. Your mentor, LA #Letr2Jil © Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com

….that’s it…. #60TweetsIn60Minutes

Series: #JacknJil
Title: #Letr2Jil
Episode Title: #WatchThisBehaviour

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