#Letr2Jil – SWISS ARMY KNIFE by Leke Alder

1. My dear Jil, at some point you’ll have to take responsibility for your life, especially as it concerns marriage. #Letr2Jil

2. I do understand your mom’s concerns but she’s only looking at the “image” of the family, not your emotional health. #Letr2Jil

3. This guy you’re betrothed to… He doesn’t love you. He’s just taking advantage of your inexperience and youth. #Letr2Jil

4. But life assumes you’re mature enough to handle issues by yourself once you decide you want to marry. #Letr2Jil

5. The situation is still redeemable however. There’s no “court wedding” yet, just the traditional stuff. #Letr2Jil

6. Return his dowry to him and tell him to keep the change. This guy will make your life hell. It’s not too late to back out. #Letr2Jil

7. And you ought to take a firm stance with your parents. You’re bearing your cross on your way to matrimonial Golgotha. #Letr2Jil

8. You’re betrothed to a guy who’s physically and emotionally abusive. And he has not married you yet! #Letr2Jil

9. And he only sees you as an exploitable sexual implement – something to do his libidinous bidding. #Letr2Jil

10. If you’re not careful this guy will rape you in marriage. He’s sexually desperate and he knows you’re not experienced. #Letr2Jil

11. Which is why he keeps plying you with porn material. That, my Jil, is his performance standard. #Letr2Jil

12. He expects you to fulfill his porn fantasies. Your non-yieldedness and poor skill set in that region is frustrating him. #Letr2Jil

13. And yet he chose to marry a virgin. He went after you for that very fact thus creating contradictions. #Letr2Jil

14. Since there’s no love in the relationship – just expectations of matrimonial obligations, you’re freezing up. #Letr2Jil

15. Which only fuels his frustration and anger, and greater need of fulfillment of sexual fantasies. #Letr2Jil

16. There’s thus a huge contradiction locked up in this relationship. An incredible contradiction. #Letr2Jil

17. The contradiction in the relationship can’t be resolved for the simple fact you have to become what he wouldn’t marry. #Letr2Jil

18. The man who wants a sexually experienced virgin lives in contradiction and fantasy. #Letr2Jil

19. But even more worrisome is the incessant emotional and physical abuse. This guy will damage your sense of worth. #Letr2Jil

20. As it is, you don’t even have the boldness to get out though you can see the flames for your sacrifice being prepared. #Letr2Jil

21. Tell your parents you don’t want to be married to this man. He’s abusive, period! #Letr2Jil

22. You packed out of this man’s house once you can pack out again. Do it for the last time before he damages you. #Letr2Jil

23. All that talk about how you’ll take care of yourself is secondary. You’ll find a way one way or the other. #Letr2Jil

24. This man is not looking for a bride he’s looking for a matrimonial and sexual appliance. #Letr2Jil

25. He imagines you as a matrimonial Swiss army knife – can be used to cook, clean the house and fulfill sexual fantasies. #Letr2Jil

26. And he’s mitigating the fact of the abuse by burnishing his PR with your parents through bribery and gifts. #Letr2Jil

27. They can’t see what you’re seeing. Their image of your “husband” is quite different from your reality. #Letr2Jil

28. And now he’s brought a prophetess into the fray. And she’s giving tailored “prophecies.” #Letr2Jil

29. This prophetess is seeing visions according to your local currency. #Letr2Jil

30. All that talk about some forces locking you up…you better not believe. It’s false prophecy. #Letr2Jil

31. There are thus three control protocols he’s established – his emotional abuse, the prophetess, your parents. #Letr2Jil

32. The “prophetess” preys on your spiritual ignorance; your parents exert moral authority; he domesticates with physical abuse. #Letr2Jil

33. I’d advice you ignore the “prophecies” of this “prophetess.” They don’t accord with scriptures. #Letr2Jil

34. Marriage is not something you should dread going into. It’s supposed to be a joyful and happy thing. #Letr2Jil

35. You’re supposed to be loved and wooed in marriage. You’re not some mechanical componentry. #Letr2Jil

36. Sex in marriage can’t be a command and control issue. It’s not some army drill by a shrill predatory commandant. #Letr2Jil

37. Sex in marriage is supposed to be loving and affirming, not an abusive obligatoriness. #Letr2Jil

38. And you didn’t know this gentleman before you got engaged to him. You engaged on moral authority. #Letr2Jil

39. If you can’t make a rational and intelligent appraisal of someone wooing you for marriage, you’re not mature for it. #Letr2Jil

40. After all the ceremonies are done and gone, you alone are left at the mercy of the caprices of this man. #Letr2Jil

41. A man can’t be brutal to his wife. There’s just something emotionally repulsive about the execution of such vision. #Letr2Jil

42. An older gentleman who chose to marry a young and inexperienced bride must learn to exercise patience. #Letr2Jil

43. Or he shouldn’t have married from that category. There are more “experienced” women out there. #Letr2Jil

44. A home ought to be full of love and affection. That ought to be the default mode. An otherwise is an aberration. #Letr2Jil

45. And this idea marriage is supposed to be difficult, something a woman must endure… Who came up with the misogynistic mantra? #Letr2Jil

46. Life is difficult enough. A marriage shouldn’t be. It’s supposed to mitigate the harshness of life. #Letr2Jil

47. Your parents are leading you like a lamb to the slaughter. By the time they’re gone your life will be full of bitterness. #Letr2Jil

48. Surely their love ought to be stronger than this man’s social security stipends. There are things you do for your daughter. #Letr2Jil

49. The whole abuse stuff is being patched up like a building commenced without engineering details, like some mud hut. #Letr2Jil

50. Don’t compound the mistake you have made already. Get out while you can. #Letr2Jil

51. If while your parents are alive he’s treating you this way imagine what will happen when they’re gone. #Letr2Jil

52. You’ll have no emotional and moral support. He’s preying on the trado-cultural upbringing of your mum. #Letr2Jil

53. Surely there are men out there who’ll treat you like a bride, men who don’t see a wife as a utilitarian implement. #Letr2Jil

54. It’s never advisable to marry someone who doesn’t love you. Don’t marry your abuser. If you do you have Stockholm syndrome. #Letr2Jil

55. You already know you won’t be happy in this marriage. Why press on with the ceremonial rites? #Letr2Jil

56. It’s emotionally cheaper to have a broken engagement than a broken marriage. #Letr2Jil

57. Pull the plug on this horrible adventure before your life becomes a parable. #Letr2Jil

58. You’ll make a few people unhappy but at least you’ll have your life. And you’ll have freedom. #Letr2Jil

59. A marriage is not supposed to be a heavy-duty gaol with iron bars of shame and horror. #Letr2Jil

60. Have courage. #Letr2Jil


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